So much of our connection and relationship with others is shaped by our emotions. We don’t like this person, because they do things that annoy us. Someone else made us angry. Another just sweeps us off our feet because they are so incredibly attractive.
These feelings are powerful. If we try to ignore them, they find ways to keep popping up. Or sometimes we just give into them and let them shape our responses. We may vent our anger. We may carry a grudge. We may pine away with hopeless longing for connection.
Long term intimate relationships can be especially confusing. We are never another and they are never us. We never fully understand another, and so we often interpret their actions as somehow directed at us. That leads us to an emotional response.
And feelings, of course, wax and wane for a huge variety of reasons. Our partner can become the unwitting object of all these changes. While they are always the same person, there are days when our feelings for them may be wonderful and other days when we really don’t want to be with them.
We can chase our tail for life, under the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, responding to one feeling and another, giving those feelings power over how we act and how we use our energy. The end of that chase is generally exhaustion, and never satisfaction.
We have an alternative – a Tree of Life alternative. Somehow I suspect that the Spirit that created us absolutely adores us. We do not always act adorably. Yet the choice of our Creator was and is an ongoing act of adoration. We block it and don’t respond to it for much of our life. But that is our choice, not the action of Creator/Spirit/Mind/Source.
While we may say we adore something or someone – you know, the warm fuzzy feeling – adoration, as I am using it, is not a feeling. It is a practice. It is an ongoing active choice.
Really. Sooo – how does that work? Well, let’s say we start by choosing to adore our long-term committed partner in life. We acknowledge that our feelings in that relationship will ride the usual roller coaster. We accept and don’t fight those feelings. Rather, we choose to own them as our own, not something created by our partner, or for which our partner carries any responsibility. And we choose not to let those feelings, positive or negative, carry the day with us. We observe them and we learn what we can from them about ourselves. And we own that our actions and reactions are ours, by personal choice.
That realization is called being free from attachment. We are ourselves. We are not the feelings to which we thought we were attached.
OK, step two. Once we are free from attachment, we can choose not the feeling, but the practice of adoration. Suddenly we are free from the blame game and the tail chasing, because we have stepped out of that vicious cycle. We can stand still and truly see. We can observe, we can soak in our partner as they truly are – an adored creation of C/S/M/S, just like we are. And we can choose to adore them.
We can choose not to judge or to criticize. We can choose to appreciate and to love what we see – all of their unique expressions, all of their hopes and fears, all of their work along their own path, as a creature learning and growing in all that C/S/M/S has for them. And we can give thanks, and appreciation and adoration. We can choose, in reality, to see them exactly as we can choose to see ourselves and all of creation around us.
We can accept and be grateful for the gifts they offer, rather than grasping or demanding what we think we need or deserve, or being disappointed that somehow they haven’t figured out what we really want from them. We can give up “want” altogether, because we know we have what we need, and we are satisfied.
Adoration is not blind. Rather, it is compassionate, knowing that we have far more to work on for ourselves along the path than we can possibly expect of or get from another. Adoration reflects back, helping another shine her or his own light, rather than hitting back.
There may be times when safety or wisdom require separation – even permanent breaking off of an intimate relationship. There is still no need to engage in the blame game. Self-adoration, self-care, is our first responsibility – and then to love our neighbor. Becoming stuck in hatred or bitterness is really just another way of giving up adoration of our self – another form of unhealthy attachment to feelings and to what we project about the other.
Practice is the key to success. We practice the adoration we have received from our Creator. And we practice letting go of our attachment to emotions and to our dependency on blaming someone else for the way we feel.
There were two special trees in the Garden of Eden, the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and the Tree of Life. Practicing a different way locates us under the one that yields true satisfaction.
© Two Trees in the Garden. Share what is useful. Please quote the source.